My program of recovery must come first. I heard people saying this all the time and thought well they obviously don’t have a job or a family. How can my program come first? I have so many responsibilities and the kids need me. I can’t put my recovery first, I have to be selfless and put others first, right? Wrong!!!
In recovery I have learned I have to first and foremost remember that I am an addict and I must do what I need to stay clean for that day. After that I can be a wife, mother, friend and or an employee. This sounded a bit backwards because I was raised by a mother who put everyone else before herself. This is the example I had to go on. In recovery I have been taught that in order to be a good mom, wife or employee I must first take the necessary steps in each day to ensure my sobriety for all these other things to come about. So what do I need to do each day …
Every morning I wake up, I remind myself of what I am. I am an addict. The next thing I do is ask my higher power to keep me away from any mind or mood altering substances and to lead my thoughts and actions in the direction in which He would have them go. Then I go out into the world and I get to be a good mom, wife and employee. Every now and then (all the time really, lol) God uses me to do His work, when I can stay out of His way, and help another addict. At the end of the day I thank Him for another day clean. My very favorite part of this whole deal is I get to lay my head on the pillow and go to sleep with peace of mind. Don’t know about anyone else but I had no peace of mind before getting clean. My mind was always filled with guilt, remorse and shame and I wanted to always escape that via drugs and alcohol.
Today I am a wonderful mother, a great wife and a reliable employee. I have become a productive member of society, even a respected member. I get to show up for life today. I get to experience all sorts of things that were never available to me when I wasn’t clean but what I must never forget is all of the wonderful life stuff must come below my sobriety. If I am not clean all the other stuff will go away anyway. I have to remember that I cannot let what my sobriety gave me take me away from my sobriety because if I do I will lose it eventually. My program is top priority.
Photo By Pete Reed